How An Anxious Introvert Thinks
Most people will say that 50 years ago, no one was really "sick" or "depressed." I don't believe that.
I have anxiety. But I also do not.
Many of my friends have bravely confessed to the Internet world about their mental illness. I cannot attempt to stand with them and say I know what they experience each day. But I know a little.
I am not medically diagnosed. But I think each person has something wrong with him or her. We really do. And it's OK to say that we do.
This is not a post to get views or hits, but to let people know that while I'm happy, energetic, and win a lot of online prizes, I'm nervous, human, and anxious.
I want you to know more of me. And this may be weird or uncomfortable to read, but you may know people like this, or you may have your own quirks/anxieties yourself. And once you acknowledge them or tell people about them, they can better understand why you act the way you do. My husband knows why I'm curled up in a ball, listening to a movie, with the cold air blasting on my face during road trips. And now you'll know why.
I don't care what you diagnose this as, but here are some of my OCD-like, introverted, and anxiety driven actions and routines:
I have anxiety. But I also do not.
Many of my friends have bravely confessed to the Internet world about their mental illness. I cannot attempt to stand with them and say I know what they experience each day. But I know a little.
I am not medically diagnosed. But I think each person has something wrong with him or her. We really do. And it's OK to say that we do.
This is not a post to get views or hits, but to let people know that while I'm happy, energetic, and win a lot of online prizes, I'm nervous, human, and anxious.
I want you to know more of me. And this may be weird or uncomfortable to read, but you may know people like this, or you may have your own quirks/anxieties yourself. And once you acknowledge them or tell people about them, they can better understand why you act the way you do. My husband knows why I'm curled up in a ball, listening to a movie, with the cold air blasting on my face during road trips. And now you'll know why.
I don't care what you diagnose this as, but here are some of my OCD-like, introverted, and anxiety driven actions and routines:
- I have to have cold air always blasting on me. It makes me feel like I can really breathe.
- I can't actively chat with someone while I drive unless I feel good that day. Otherwise it makes me physically feel sick.
- When I travel, I don't eat anything the whole day, for fear of stomach/body issues. During my travel, I'll plug in the same two movies (Les Miserables, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty because those are the only two downloaded) and listen to them as I fall asleep. It comforts me somehow.
- If we do travel and start heading out for the road, we have to get to the freeway ASAP. I get nervous/anxious when people make quick stops at the gas station or grocery store before a trip. Once we leave the house, we have to keep driving.
- If I have a doctor/dentist or any kind of appointment, my stomach knots up the morning of the appointment and I worry about it all day. I google the doctor's office for reviews, I search "what is the process of a dental cleaning" because I'm nervous about it, and I'll plan on canceling my appointment five times before I finally decide to go. (Happened this week)
- If I'm not near my own home/bathroom/bedroom, I'm semi-nervous.
- I'll constantly ask (mostly Jonathan) people, "Are you sure?" "How do you know?" because I like to read reviews or read restaurant menus ahead of time so I'll know what to order.
- I pick at my fingernails constantly, because I'm nervous.
- I have done pretty tough things, medically speaking (jaw surgery, IUD, the dentist) (jk about the dentist it was fine), but I am always nervous and sick to my stomach about the ordeal.
- If I wake up not feeling well, I'm content to stay at home in my pajamas all day because I'm worried about going out and interacting in the world.
- I often apply to jobs, receive emails to interview, then find an excuse to cancel or reject the job because I automatically get nervous about the idea of meeting with someone and talking about a job. (I've done many interviews before, and this anxiety hasn't prohibited me from working)
These are not everyday anxieties—some happen every once in a while, while others come up more often. Some people have voices in their heads, others get panic attacks weekly, and I can't imagine what that's like. I want everyone to know that it's OK to have some weird part of you that you're dealing with, whether it's your back pain, depression, fear of the dark, dandruff, weight, or anything else.
I'm learning more about this part of me; in fact, this is the first time I've admitted I have some form of anxiety. I'm not taking medication and it's great if you are! I wanted to write this to let you know that everyone has something they're holding onto. I wanted to share this weird personal post so people can know what it's like/who I am.
Maybe I'm just an introvert who doesn't like the doctor. And that's great! Maybe I have horrible social anxiety. And that's cool too! We are all so human. Thanks for reading.
Maybe I'm just an introvert who doesn't like the doctor. And that's great! Maybe I have horrible social anxiety. And that's cool too! We are all so human. Thanks for reading.
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