Everything Has Changed

I have things to say but I don't know what they are. 

I don't know who I am becoming but I am going to make her good. 

The rain is outside today but it's also inside. That was a dramatic statement. 

He is just what I need but is he just what I want?

I am on top of the world but only because I am at the very lowest point in the ocean. 

No more buts. 

I feel it in the flowers and massive pine trees 

that make me feel like a tiny piece in this game that isn't a game

I see it in my family's blurry faces through the computer and in the afternoon sky of purples and oranges and I'm reminded of Austin.

Alec. Abby. Jacob. Emma. Tyson. Nathan. Sarah. Brandon. Jake. Josh. Evan. 

Jenny. Nicole. Claire. Jacquie. Kent.Whitney. Autumn. Emily. Hannah. Kaitlin. 

I hear it in the freshman toga dance parties

and the birds dancing with the wind

I know it in my surroundings 

and my heart and when babies smile from the pews in church 

and when I wake up to another day. 

There is no way on Earth that I am alone in all of this.