What I've Learned From Not Serving A Mission

As the first waves of sister missionaries return home and come back to school, courtship, dating and marriage will change. Housing, school population and social life will change as well, but dating will especially become a new experience because I fear that men and women are going to begin each date with one assuming question: 

So … where did you serve YOUR mission?

Many will light up and name off a European or Asian country. Others will proudly proclaim a stateside mission and conversation will flow smoothly. If both dates have served, conversation is almost too perfect.

But for me, and for many others like me, our answer will be different. Where did you serve YOUR mission?

I didn’t. 

Don't worry, this is not going to be a ten-page mommy blogger article about how special we are or how we all can be member missionaries. Articles have been written before and articles will be written again on this topic, so I'll keep mine short. 

My best friend, Sister Cook, has been serving in the Nevada Reno mission for the last 16 months. She returns home December 10, 2014, and I will be the first non-family member to hug her at the airport. We met freshman year of college at BYU (wow original!) and have been best friends since. 

Sister Cook left last May, and since then, I feel as though we have both been on missions simultaneously, with different lifestyles and experiences than the other. 

She has missionary name tags, I have college notebooks. She feels the Spirit daily, while I struggle to make it to the temple each week. Though we are worlds apart (though not many miles apart), there are things we share. 

We both appreciate naps. We both wake up early (she is more consistent, but yes, I do get up at 6:30 many days). We go to church on Sunday. We remember our inside jokes. We both have our personalities, hopes, dreams and crushes. 

I feel part of me lives in her and has been with her each step of the way through her mission. I haven't done the things she has, and I'm not taking credit for her work, but for those of you with a missionary out, you know how the mission affects you, too. 

With all that said, there are six things I've learned from Sister Cook about missions. (Some may seem random or unimportant, but these are my own personal lessons. She, along with many missionaries, has taught me important large-scale lessons, but these are a few I wanted to highlight)

The Six Things I've Learned From My Missionary Best Friend 

1. It's OK to take naps: I used to think missionaries were awake and energetic 24/7 and were prohibited from any form of resting, but that's not true! Some missionaries find golden pockets of time to shut their eyes for a few minutes. And hey, they deserve it. Sister Cook is incredibly dedicated to her work.  

2. Missionaries aren't robots: I also thought that each Homecoming talk was a chance to see how robotic the returned missionary had become. I learned that she is still my best friend, that she still makes me laugh, and that missionaries don't lose their fun. 

3. Missionaries aren't automatically good people. In fact, many are not so good: Yes, missionaries are the brightest and strongest in the faith, but there are many who are lazy and goof off. I've heard so many RMs tell me that missionaries are not like the two on Saturday's Warrior. Many don't want to be there, and they act like it. 

4. The opposite gender can be scary: Sister Cook keeps telling me that she is not going to go on dates, but I know she doesn't mean it. The mission can change your perception on the opposite gender, but I learned that missionaries still have crushes, and some people even marry someone they met on the mission.

5. Drama doesn't disappear: The mission brings peace and the Spirit like no other, but that doesn't mean there isn't drama. Sister Cook hasn't had many blowups with her companions, but I've learned from many missionaries that people are still immature, selfish and hard to live with. (But what else is new?)

6. Missions are hard: I was jealous of Sister Cook because she was going to be doing the right things every single day. (If I was so jealous, why didn't I just go?) She didn't have to worry about whether or not she was making the right decisions. She had her next 18 months planned out for her.

The decision to serve is hard, the preparation is hard, saying goodbye is hard, learning the language is hard, on and on and on. 

As she has been preaching the gospel, I have been on a solo journey to come closer to Christ and the woman I'm meant to be. I say solo because with over 20 of my close friends gone on missions, I have felt alone at many times within the past few years. 

Left to Right Top Row: Sister Walborn, Sister Juliana, Sister Ellsworth, Sister Cattich, Sister Barton. Sister Sheffield, Sister Hales, Rose, Sister Sonksen, Sister Hebertson
Left to Right Bottom Row: Sister Seymour, Sister Anderson, Me!, Sister Cook, Lindsey, Susan (getting married!)

My decision to not serve a mission is another story altogether, but it came with thought and prayer. It didn't take me months of pondering, but the Spirit confirmed to me that my feelings and plans were pleasing to the Lord. I do not take this decision lightly, because I know it is one that will shape my life forever. 

The Six Things I've Learned From Not Serving A Mission

1. My relationship with God is not worse because I didn't wear a name tag: Not serving a mission has almost forced me to step up my spirituality. I don't have a planner to help me, I don't have a companion watching to see if I wake up and say my prayers. I have to personally work on my relationship with God, and it is becoming a wonderful thing. 

2. I need to use my time wisely: Naps are great, Netflix is better, but being productive is the best feeling. I look up to Sister Cook and missionaries worldwide because they gain life skills in time management, planning, and communication. 

3. I can still share the gospel: It seems as though everyone in Utah is a member of the Church, but I have found other ways to share my testimony. Social media, however harmful, has the power to be a wonderful thing if we use it the right way. 

4. My social life is not the same: Everyone is gone, and I am alone. At least, that's what I thought. Not serving a mission has taught me that I need to try harder to make friends. As a senior in college, it is too easy to sit back and de-socialize. 

5. My testimony is just as strong as returned missionaries even though my experience is less: Similar to #1. When the sister missionaries return in larger crowds, I may feel inadequate and less important as RMs swarm the campus. However, I know that my testimony is a wonderful thing meant to strengthen my own knowledge and actions in the gospel. 

6. Missions are hard: Letting Sister Cook go was hard (and I'm not even her mother). Writing her each week is hard because there is so much more I want to say in person. Seeing her heartaches is hard.

Yes, I will never know exactly what she went through, but I don't want people to assume that I have absolutely no idea what a mission is like. My father, brother, uncles, cousins and friends have served, and I know it is one of the hardest things you will ever be asked to do. 

I am not going to freeze up, grow angry, or roll my eyes when someone asks if I've served a mission. 

I will not be ashamed that I didn’t serve a mission, nor will I look down upon those who have. Serving a mission is still an individual choice for women and a priesthood duty for men. That does not mean that those who came home early or did not serve are any less spiritual or less important.

Your missionary nametag and your time in the field are not directly related to your spiritual status in the Church. I’ve known 2-year returned missionaries who have lost their testimonies, and I’ve known missionaries who have come home after 6 months who are spiritual giants.  

Even though I didn't open a letter from the First Presidency or fly overseas to a foreign land, I learned more about the gospel, the Church, God's plan for me, and my role in His plan than I ever have before. I know serving a mission would only enhance that knowledge, and I have great love for the men and women who choose to leave the world behind and share their light. 

The day she opened her mission call! 

I count down the days until Sister Cook comes home, because I am eager to grow with her in the gospel. I look forward to the day when I can receive my temple endowments and make greater covenants with my Father. I am preparing to serve a mission with my husband, and I still actively write my close friends who serve in places around the world. 

I didn't serve a mission, and that's a wonderful thing. 

Sister Cook served a mission, and that's a wonderful thing. 

We are each on a journey to become like Christ, and we are able to use our agency to decide what we believe and what we will do on Earth. "You didn't come here to make a choice. You already made that choice. You came here to remember why you made that choice." That's a wonderful thing. 

One day, we will know more about the things we worry about now. We can turn to Heaven and activate the Atonement every day.

That's a wonderful thing.